cordeliaknits

Big Sigh

Hello, my friends!

I am on the road to recovery after what seems like months of being sick (really only a few weeks, but it's been a LONG and hard few weeks!), and although my relationship life is very complicated right now, there are now equal amounts of joy and grief, so at least it's more balanced than it was a few weeks ago.

I'm staying at the lovely home of my friends Nancy and Adriana, which just happens to be in the same neighborhood as my favorite yarn store, so that is a plus, and they have not one, not two, but three bathtubs to choose from for lots of healing and relaxing baths!!  Not to mention the extensive knitting book library and lovely kitchen and secluded backyard... obviously, this is a good place for me to be right now.

I'm taking this week as a sort of retreat week, as I am alone in the house.  My goals are to take good care of myself and not worry about taking care of anyone else's emotions.  I have a lot to think about and figure out about what I want and need and where my life is going.  Not sure why this is such a scary prospect to me, but I'm going to do my best.

I also feel like I need to be pretty private right now.  I just don't have the desire to talk to anyone who might want me to explain, process, make excuses, make decisions, etc.  I've been going to a church for the last few weeks where most people don't know me, and that's been a nice break.  

Unfortunately, my computer (which is still at the trailer) is broken(!), so until I get it fixed, I'm not sure there will be many pictures to show, even though I'm planning on knitting up a storm.  Perhaps I can get some other people to take pictures of my knitting and send them to me?

So, please know that I am doing OK health-wise, and surviving emotions-wise, and I am fully are of how blessed I am to have so many people who love me and want to support me.  If you are the praying kind, this week I need prayers for discernment and clarity and courage.  I'm also quite worried about a few of my friends who are very ill, so just please send up an extra prayer for all those who are sick or in pain, and especially those who are struggling to afford medical treatment.

And please, please, please TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES!

xoxoxo, Cordelia

Checking In

 This has possibly been the most dramatic few weeks of my life.  Leslie and I are breaking up, and I was asked to move out of the trailer about a week and a half ago.  I spent a week in a hotel, and the weekend in Utah.  I haven't cried so much or so hard in my entire life...but that's not all!

It started with a cold caught from the babies just a day or so before the relationship drama started.  I stayed sick even after the girls were better, and this past friday I started to feel nauseated and really weak.

Most of my time in Utah was spent resting in bed, trying to drink fluids and eat soup, and resisting my friend's desire to take me to the ER.  It wasn't until I got to the airport and saw a sign listing the symptoms that I realized I probably had the H1N1 virus...a.k.a. SWINE FLU!!!

Les picked me up at the airport, and, seeing how sick I was, asked me to stay at home until I felt better.  I couldn't get a Dr. appointment until last night, at which point I found out that not only did I likely have the swine flu (hence the mask they made me wear!), but I had also developed pneumonia.

The only good coming from that diagnosis is that I now have antibiotics and maybe I can get better soon.  Of course, I'm not working, since I can't expose the babies to this yuck, and so far they are both healthy, so we want to keep it that way!  The problem is that if I don't work, I don't get paid (I'm out of sick days), and it's looking like I might have to take the whole week off, unless I make a miraculous recovery very soon!!

Anyway, I think it's time to go back to bed, though I'm really sick of 'resting.'  Thank you so much for all the well-wishes, prayers and good thoughts.  Keep them coming for both of us. 

All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things shall be well...