Double Life

Sometimes I feel like I have a double life.  I'm a minister.  I'm also a lesbian feminist.  For me, these two aspects of my identity go together quite well.  They inform each other.  But for other people, they pose a real problem, and I get caught trying to figure out how much I should censor myself in each situation to avoid social or religious discomfort for everyone involved.

 

It's always been much easier for me to come out as a lesbian than to come out as a Christian.  At a party, when people ask me what I do, I always cringe a little.  Telling people I'm a minister almost never elicits a neutral response.  I often hear something like, "You're a minister?!  You don't look like a minister!"  Another common response is that the person in question rushes to assure me that they are not Christian/don't believe in God/haven't been to church in decades...just in case the next words out of my mouth were going to be to invite them to church.

And then there's my personal favorite, which happens more than you might think--I say I'm a minister and the other person puts their hands up defensively and starts backing away, as if they are afraid I'm about to take out my Bible and beat them over the head with it.

Now, I get that the Church has a well-earned bad reputation, especially with gay and lesbian folks and women.  I get that many people have been wounded by their experiences in church and with other ministers.  I just wish all that crud wouldn't get projected on me based on my simple answer to the question of what I do.

Sometimes I think it would be nice to be able to say I'm an art teacher, or a librarian...some non-threatening profession that would allow folks to move the conversation on to actually getting to know me.  When I lived in Utah, before I got ordained, when people asked what I did, I said I was a housewife.  Now, that's not a completely uncontroversial occupation either, in my circles,  but it was a whole lot easier to have a friendly discussion with that lead-in.

So, if you meet me at a party or the festival or in line at the grocery store, here's what I want you to know:  I have no desire to change your spiritual beliefs or lack thereof.  I do not believe in a judgmental God, nor do I think you are a sinner because you don't go to church.  In fact, I would be perfectly happy to not discuss church at all--I do have many other interests and skills to talk about, and I'd like to hear about yours too.  And yes, I do actually look like a minister...

Because this IS what a minister looks like!

Comments

[Mandy]

I love this post...I'm a therapist and, when asked what I do, am always asked "are you analyzing me right now?" Seriously, I actually like leaving my day job at work...No worries, people, I won't analyze you and then send a bill to your insurance company!

[Leslie Taylor]

Great message.

[Courtney]

I wish more ministers looked like you!

[Crash]

I'm so glad that you are living your truth and doing the work that makes your heart sing.

And I know how hard it can be to wait on the unknown response when someone asks you what you do for work. (I used to just tell folks I worked for the city) I know they are genuinely trying to get to know you but the question can be so uninteresting sometimes. But I'm sure you weather the questions with grace.
And I'm so happy that you are a feminist, and a lesbian ...oh and a minister.

[Joe Amico]

Cordelia, I'm working on my sermon for tomorrow based on Romans 12:1-8 and titled "Called to be Non-Conformists." While reading another blog quoting Martin Luther King Jr's Strength to Love, I remembered reading the first few sentences of this essay on your FaceBook post yesterday so I had to look it up and read this whole thing. I marvel at how you are your own person as both a minister and a lesbian feminist and how you appear to do it with such ease and grace! I hope you don't mind but I'm going to quote you and use you as an example in my sermon! Joe Amico