Transitions suck. This has been a really sad, hard time of packing, bouncing around to different houses, processing, crying, stressing, and mostly feeling lonely. Thankfully, I have Christmas music to listen to. I don’t care if it’s early—all my rules go out the window in a crisis, and if there is something (like Christmas music) that can help me to feel better without chemicals or alcohol, then I’m going to use it.
So, lots of Christmas music (the new Tori Amos Christmas album came out today, and it’s lovely!), Christmas crafting, Christmas magazines, apple cider, knitting of gifts, and yes, even some store-bought eggnog are all helping as much as they can.
I keep wondering if I’m making a mistake in moving, but when I really consider it, I still feel like it’s the risk I need to take right now, and I am reminded that no decision needs to be permanent. I’m going to miss so many people and places, but I need a big change, and no matter what else happens, I will find change in Utah!
I’m excited for winter and snow, for new friends and a new home, and above all, I’m hopeful that this move may help me to do the soul-searching and inner work I desperately need to do right now. Unfortunately, it’s hard to feel that excitement and hope amid the pain of goodbyes here.
My pastor Pat said something (actually she texted it to me!) a few weeks ago that I need to keep reminding myself of—where there are tears, there is love. So, all I can say is, there must be a whole lotta love in my life right now!